Not fair!!!

It's sunny and 55 with NO WIND for the first time in weeks and I'm stuck at work. It sucks and
it ain't fair. Sure it was sunny and 65 on Friday when I was off, but we had 40-60 mph winds so it really did me no good. Then Friday night after going to the bar, I got stuck in a severe thunderstorm. It was awesome. Not fun to drive in though. Esp. when I got blinded by the lightning strike. I LOVE t-storms. Then Saturday AM it was cold and our "snowflurries" turned into 2 inches of the fluffy white crap. I've had enough of winter shit. It made the walk down the hill and across the parking lot a real bitch after the hockey game Sat. night. I saw a lot of people fall. Sunday was nice again (50'ish) but breezy. Now it's beautiful and I'm stuck here.

I'm still pissed at the Cowboys. I don't mind getting beat in a good close game, but to not even show-up and to play like you don't give a rat's ass when the playoffs are on the line just pisses me off. Every pickup basketball game I ever played, every rec league softball game I ever played and in fact every sport or game of any kind I have ever played I gave 100% and did everything possible to win. Losing was never an option. Why shouldn't assholes playing games for money be the same way? The whole coaching staff should have been fired on the field (shot actually) and made to find their way home. Romo too. You're getting your ass handed to you in yet another big game and after sticking your head further up your ass you come off the field smiling? I have ran into walls at full speed going after a loose ball in games that meant nothing. If I was a gazillionaire I'd buy the 'Boys just to fire Phillips and punch Romo in that fucking aw shucks grin. yeah, you get to fuck Jessica for a few months now with no football to get in your way. Have fun. I hope you don't have the same kind of performance anxieties in the sack that you do on the field. Actually, I hope you do!

Good thing I'm not bitter or anything.

Well hell...

My Cowboys don't even showup today and get whupped and kept out of the playoff.
Now, remember the woman I blogged about a few weeks ago. The one I can never have? Yeah, well I got to see her today. Looking more beautiful than ever. I wanted to grab her and kiss her. Hell, I wanted to rip her clothes off. I didn't. I was a good boy. I had to be. Damn it.
More later.

Christmas '08

Well another one has come and gone. I don't know, if it wasn't for the kids, Christmas wouldn't mean a lot to me. I already had most of my presents. Or I buy my own. The kids already had their big ticket items, too. They wanted ipods. They were about the only kids they know without them. They don't always get really nice stuff or the best of everything, so I got them ipods. They loved them so much, I went and bought me one. I love it, too. It was buy that or a banjo. I figured I could take the ipod way more places. People frown at you when you travel or walk around playing a banjo, esp if you're just learning to play it.
The highlight of Christmas comes to us from Bill. Bill is kind of hard to buy for. A pain is the freaking ass really. Nothing you get her is ever perfect. Six months to 2 years later she'll bitch about every present she has got. Her reaction opening them is usually "Oh, ok. What else did I get?" So yesterday I got her. It made my whole Christmas. Bill has a HUGE crush on Sidney Crosby. She doesn't really like sports, but when the Penquins are on TV she is glued to it. So I wanted to get her a jersey. I hoped she'd like it, but with her you just never know. So I started looking for one. They are not cheap! Replicas are $160-$180 and authentics are $260! I already spent $200 ea on their ipods, so this was just impossible. Enter my friend K. She went on ebay and found me one for WAY less. We ordered it and it got here in plenty of time. My Mom put it in a plastic ice cream bucket and wrapped it. Yes, my Mommy wraps all the presents I give. I'm spoiled like that. At Mom and Dad's Christmas AM we get the presents passed out to everyone (Powrkitten, Bill, my neice, her son and my folks) I only have one package to open since I already have my stuff so I can just watch everyone. Bill picked the round present first. She took the paper off and said "wow, melted vanilla ice cream. How did you know I wanted this?" She laughed and took the lid off. As she pulled the paper out and saw the jersey she turned pink and started whispering "oh gosh, is it? oh my God, does it have his name?" and stuff as she pulled it out and looked at it. She turned red and was fighting back tears. It was incredible. She was so excited. She started going on and on to me thanking me and telling me how much she loves it. She put it on right away before she opened anything else. I think it's the happiest I have been on Christmas in years.
I got her a Joker t-shirt, too. She loves the Joker. I got Powrkitten an "Edward" t-shirt from Twilight. Mom put the wrong tag on the box and Bill opened it. She looked kind of stunned when she saw it. I said "Um, that's your sisters" and she laughed and said something about that being good and threw it at her sister. Powerkitten started squealing with glee and immediatly put it on. She LOVES those books and the movie. So they have their ipods, t-shirts and some other stuff and are pretty happy.
I have my leather jacket I got right after Thanksgiving and I got a new LP smoker. Yes I am a BBQ and smokin' fool. The smoker is going as I type this with some chicken thighs and a big pork roast. YUMMY!!!!! In case you didn't know, I love to cook and I'm pretty damn good. Esp with the outdooors grilling and smokin'.
I also got a little radio controlled helicopter for indoors. (think chasing the cocker spaniel around.) Well it doesn't want to leave the ground. Dad and I tried everything. So he finally told me to go in the spare room and get the backup. They bought two just incase this happened. The 2nd one was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for 2 minutes and then it crashed and burned. Well, it didn't burn but it is fucked up beyond repair. Damn it. It was fun while it lasted. I'm going to go out later and buy a better one. Wish me, and the dog, luck.

It's the 23rd and I'm done shopping!!! And randomness.

That's right, I'm done shopping on the 23rd. So there all you procrastinators. Ok, so this early for me. The sad thing? I really don't have too many people to buy for. Mostly the girls, and me. I can't spoil them most of the yr, so when i get my bonus from work, I spoil them. Me, too. They got their iPods, and so did I. These things are awesome! They will have a pretty good Christmas I think. I already have mine from mom and dad. My new leather coat and then Saturday they surprised me with a LP smoker. I LOVE BBQ'ing and smoking meats, so this is too cool. In case you didn't know it, I rock in the kitchen and on the patio. So I got a little spoiled this yr.
I spent my banjo money on the iPod. I could still buy one, but it will probably wait a bit. As soon as we get rid of the old piano, we have a new one coming. That will be fun.
So let's see if I can list all the instruments in our house right now:
piano
two electric guitars
one electric bass guitar
acoustic guitar
set of spoons
3 harmonicas
keyboard
3 clarinets
trumpet
alto sax
tenor sax (the schools)
bassoon (the schools)
bongos
dijerido (my spelling sucks tonight)
How's that?
So is everybody ready for Christmas? Is anybody else pissed about all the "happy holidays" bullshit at the stores? I'm not a religous guy, despite the 12 yr in Catholic schools, but man that pisses me off. It's Chritmas! Wish me a Merry Christmas or fuck off. Just once though I'd like to hear a clerk wish me a happy Festivus.
It is so freaking foggy and still here tonight. Very quiet and spooky out. I love it.First time it's been calm in days. It's 38 out which is hot compared to the last 5 days. Of course it's about to drop and the fog become freezing drizzle and my drive to work tom. will FUCKING SUCK! I hate this winter. When does tornado season start? I like it better.
Everyone have a Merry Chritmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. Tell your friends to start reading this blog! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace out.

The Rowdy Beaver!!!!!!

Ok, I'm the first person on earth to admit that I am as mature as the average 14 yr old. Some days the girls would tell you that's even a stretch. So I find juvenile stuff to be pretty funny.
So it only is natural for me to find a lot of humor in the name of the new restaurant in town. The Rowdy Beaver. Yeah, that's some funny shit. Everytime I hear a radio cammercial for The Rowdy Beaver I giggle like a Japanese schoolgirl. I think it's just some funny shit.
So I was in a down mood driving to work the other day. This winter shit is sapping the life out of me. I had just dropped the girls off at their schools and was heading to work. Yippieee. A commercial for The Rowdy Beaver came on. I snickered a tiny bit. Then I started to think about little jokes about the name. Now I suffer from ADD or something. Some days I just can't focus well. The Rowdy Beaver started me off on a day of non-focus. I started texting and emailing my bestfriend, oldest daughter and our friend at college. (3 women for what that's worth.) I'm trying to remember all of them, but here's what I have:

The Rowdy Beaver is one place you sure as hell don't want to find a hair in what you are eating.

Do they clean The Rowdy Beaver with vinegar and water?

Does The Rowdy Beaver smell like tuna?

At The Rowdy Beaver do they call the appetizers "foreplay"?

Do you know why there was no bread at The Rowdy Beaver last week? Yeast infection.

So I had like 20 more, but it's late and I can't remember them all. So I was sending these things to the 3 ladies all day. I think one or two of the may have gotten a bit tired of it, but they humored me. So then like a week went by and I'd only sent the occasional one that popped into my head. Then Thur. I was at the dentist when I heard the commercial. I was trying not to giggle when the best one of all popped into my head. Once there I had no choice but to share it.
So I texted my friend K and told her I had a new one. She said "I was really hoping this phase would have passed by now and you'd have moved on to something else." I wrote back "Nope, I'm still coming up with them." So this is what I sent her:

"At The Rowdy Beaver, can you cum in the backdoor or is it an exit only?"

Now this made me damn near piss my pants. K didn't seem to find it near as funny though. Go figure. I'm going to go to dinner at The Rowdy Beaver soon. I did checkout their home place in Arkansas and they even have a gift shop! Guess what my fav thing they sell there is. Thongs that say "Rowdy Beaver" on the crotch!!!!!!!!! I can't make shit like that up.

Calgon take me away my ass.

Fuck Calgon and bubble baths. GIVE ME BOOZE. Sometimes a dad doesn't brag. He yells and screams and has to be an asshole. Yeah, that's what I looked forward to all day at work. I longed to come home to fighting, name calling and no help with the housework. Days like make me want to drink. So I went to the Man Cave (my bedroom) and had a couple of shots of Jameson's and a couple of beers. Of course I had to cook dinner first. Bill was doing homework alone in the livingroom all night and Powerkitten went to her room to "clean". Yeah, well I am pretty possitive that she was texting all night. She likes a boy and now he likes her. Of course you can't just text back and forth with the boy, you have to text your BFF about everything said. She was suppose to be doing laundry. Guess how many loads got done. 2. Because I DID THEM.

So anyway, let's move on to something else I am pissed about. The weather. I HATE winter. We never hit single digits in Dec. We have twice this week and now will twice this weekend. WTF?
And what the hell is with all this snow and ice? I need to move to Phoenix or somewhere hot. I hat this. My knees REALLY HATE THIS SHIT!!!!

I wanted to go to bed early, but nooooooo. Zooey Deschanel is on Leno tonight. I have to stay up for her. There are very few women on earth I'd ever change my mind about marriage for, she is one of them I'm pretty sure. I have her on youtube singing "Dream a Little Dream of Me" in the background as I type. Don't worry, I am using both hands to type.

We have a new place to eat in town; The Rowdy Beaver! OMG! I giggle everytime I hear the name. It's suppose to be a family place. I have a million jokes about them. I'll blog on it sometime, somebody remind me. I was at the dentist this AM for a cleaning (because who doesn't want to drive 12 miles in a wintery mix at 8 AM for a cleaning?) and I'm laying back in the chair when I hear the commercial so then I'm thinking of more jokes and trying not to laugh while she's working on my mouth. Fun. Thank God I didn't have the chick that gives me a hard-on. That's hard (pardon the pun!) to hide at the dentist.

Sometimes a Dad Has to Brag.

Last night was Christmas concert night at the HS. The choir performed at 7 in the auditorium, the band at 8 in the gym and then a reception with snacks and some small groups performing in the commons. Powerkitten (Kid1) played a lot last night. (In case you don't know, she is an awesome clarinet player.)

She started with the choir. 6 kids were picked to play for the choir along with some of the string players from our big local symphony. Also playing with them was their old band director that retired last year. Needless to say, the kids were more excited about playing alongside their old director than they were any of the rest of it. Last week some kids in the band learned that the "pros" were going to be playing and they tried to tell Powerkitten and some of the other kids they weren't going to be good enough to play alongside these people. PK was pissed. "Have you not heard me play?" was her response. Well she certainly showed them. At rehearsal Friday the HS kids that were picked all proved how capable they are. Last night the performance was AWESOME!!! the choir was beautiful but PK and the kids played amazing. Her solo was outstanding. I was awed and I hear her every day, so that takes a lot.

Oh, and when the choir was getting ready to warm-up, the choir director took PK aside and told her that she was incharge of the musicians and to gather them together and lead the warm-up. PK was floored. And nervous. She wants to be a HS band director someday. To be asked to be incharge of the pros, and her old director (think "mentor") caught her off gaurd. But she did it and was complimented by the pros for how incontrol she was. WOW!

So she got a few minutes to catch her breath as the crowd moved to the gym. The band played very well. A fun Christmas concert. PK had two solos and nailed them.

So we moved to the commons and the brass ensemble went first. They kind of stunk. then the clarinet choir played next. PK had picked the girls in this. She picked the music and was incharge of all of it. Friday she even cut several girls for not coming to practice. They did a really good job.

The jazz band was next. They were awesome. We haven't had a jazz band in yrs at the HS and the kids really wanted to "wow" everyone. They did. PK plays 2nd tenor sax in jazz band. It's an instrument she is just learning. She struggled a few times last night, but she did good.

I took a program and I wrote her a little note and put it in her purse. She found it right before she went to bed. I think she really liked it. All I wrote was "You never stop amazing me! I Love You." and signed it "Dad".

FUCK IT'S COLD!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I said it. It's fucking cold. It's 6 people. That's not wind chill. You know what I did this AM? I got up and went to feed the stupid black lab and water her and let her out for awhile. The usual start to my morning. Stupid bitch annoys me. So I get the food, open the door and put it in her dish. Then I look for the water dish. It's gone. Stupid damn dog. So without thinking, I bounce out the door to look. I see it halfway across the backyard, so I just walked after it like normal. I was halfway back to the house when I realized I had on big warm socks, boxers, a t-shirt and a stocking cap. (Yes, I sleep in a stocking cap. My room is fucking cold and I don't have any hair. The socks and t-shirt were odd though.) The odd thing was I never really felt cold at all, except when the breeze blew up inside my shorts. Yeah, that sucked. I HATE WINTER!!!!!!!!
I really do. Sometimes I think I'd like it if I had somebody to cuddle with, but not today.
Plus, I was out of gas almost so I got to stand out doing that this AM. Sucked. Plus it was $1.44 in my little town but there was a huge line, so I thought I'd get it coming into the city, only to learn there it had gone up to $1.59. Just my luck.
So my weekend basically sucked. I took the girls with me to the company party Fri night. They decided to sit there and be bumps on a log. I should have sent them to their mom's. At least then I could have got drunk. When we left we went to Walmart. We bought the new Batman movie, because we LOVE IT and Bill wanted Lost Boys, so I got it for her. We watched it that night. Bill loved it, Kid1 thinks it is the cheesiest piece of crap she's ever seen.
Saturday was a mess and I stayed home and slept Sat. night because I was in a pissy mood. Yesterday was shopping and stuff, nothing special. Then Sunday night I got to watch my COWBOYS win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One last thing about the cold; Sat. it was 61. At 7 AM Sunday it was 55. At 2 it was 19. 30-45 mph winds both days. I'm done bitching, for now. Fucking cold.

I Have a New Stink

For yrs I have worn Drakkar for my stink. For the last two yrs I have used Axe Poenix at times. Well I have decided it's time to change. I tried a few. Sniffed a few. Talked to some women. I have made my choice. It's way more than I wanted to spend but I have to do it. I love my new stink. It's Armani Diamonds for Men. Wow. It smells great. Even better on me. So I now have a new grown-up smell.
Guess what else I got. I now have a leather coat. I LOVE IT!!!!!! I never wanted one before, but once I tried one on for the first time, I had to have one. My Mom and Dad bought it for me for Christmas. I already have it to wear. yeah, I'm spoiled like that. I need to get a camera and get you pics. It's hot. I make it hotter. I learned a secret about Fonzie. He was cool because the leather jacket made him cool, not the other way around. Chicks dig it, or me in it, I think. Bill and other animal rights people may not agree. she is pissed I got one. She wouldn't help me pick which one I wanted. She calls it my dead animal skin. "The poor cow died for your vanity". Yeah, I hope I ate the cow, too!
So I got my new stink and my new leather. They work great together. Now to find somebody who wants to get me out of the leather. Wish me luck.

I'm going to tell you a secret about me.

Ok, this is just between us. I am attracted to women that I can't have. I mean, I'm sure everyone is a tiny bit. Not me. It seems like that's all I am interested in. I have always been that way, but I think it's worse than ever now. I won't give you even a clue about who it may be. There are people who might guess it if I do. This time it's really someone that will never happen. I'll never let her know either. Don't worry, she's legal and human. No laws would be broken.

Ok, so I have no GF. Honestly, while I am raising the girls I don't really want one. Most of the time. Those times I do though are hard. (No, not that kind of hard, you pervs.) I mean really I am so busy with those two I could never give a GF a fair enough amount of time. I also am broke. Having two teen girls is exspensive! And guess what; NO GOV BAILOUTS. You have to lose billions for them to give you billions more to throw away. Ok, a rant for another blog subject. Anyway, so I will admit every now and then I get lonely. When I do, more and more I close my eyes and think about this person. Not sexually. Just longing to be with her. Hold her. Look at her. Talk to her. Ok, I need help, that's clear. Any idea why I'm like this? Is it just easier for me to have a pretend GF in my head than deal with one for real?

So anyway, I am back to try and blog regularly. Don't ask why I quit. It was a combo of things.
To update everyone, not a damn thing has changed in my life. Well, K-State brought Coach Snyder back. That was big for me. My buddy Mal left for Germany. I miss her. That crazy pageant queen is like a sister or something to me to me. (Ok, so there a clue that I wasn't talking about her before!) we used to text so much some days. Now we can't and it's killing me.
The girls are doing great. Kid1 is doing awesome with her music and is now taking over a leadership role with her HS band more and more. this does not come as easy to her as it does me, but she's doing great and trying hard. She amazes me so much. Bill (kid2 of course) is still in band and now is in choir. She LOVES it. She made every vocal group she tried for and gets a solo at comp. in the spring. I didn't even know she could sing like that. She won't do it at home. That kid is great at everything she tries. She's starting to change from kid to young woman personallity wise. It is awesome to see and be a part of. (Kid1 has been 18 since birth for the most part, so I didn't see these changes in her so much.)

So my blog is back. Please comment. Please tell your friends about it. And of course as always, please remember to tip your bartenders and wait staff.

Ladies and Gentlemen can I have your attention please...

The blog formally called "Call Your Grandmother" has been changed to "John's Life".
I had planned on writting mostly about the kids and life as a single dad. the kids didn't really like it. I also think the title kind of made some people just skip it.
So now there is a name change and I will still write some about the same stuff as before, but I'll write more about me and what I want to talk about.
It may take me a while to get going good again, but I promise I will. Let's have some fun.